


Darkness and Danger

by Bandity



Series: Voltron Whump Week [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Guilt, Insomnia, Nightmares, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 16:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11855232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandity/pseuds/Bandity
Summary: Keith should have never tried to wake Shiro up that day.





	Darkness and Danger

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Whump week Day 5: Insomnia/Mental illness
> 
> Inspired by something I mentioned in Dark Places, but you don’t need to read that to understand this. In fact, it’s different from what I mentioned before.
> 
> My insomnia got really bad while I was trying to write this which is ironic considering the prompt. 
> 
> Please excuse mistakes, I actually didn't get a chance to really proofread this one really thoroughly. I will come back for it.

Shiro never seemed to be asleep at night. There were many times when Allura, Coran or one of the paladins would find him walking the halls at a late hour. He was always willing to have a conversation with anyone and in this way he got to have chats with everyone else who had been having a difficult time sleeing. In contrast to his inability to sleep at night, Shiro could pass out quickly throughout the day in the oddest places. Couches, tables, the floor and his pilot seat were all possible options. Everyone assumed he needed the rest, so it wasn’t brought up as being an issue.

He wasn’t usually asleep for very long as he was a light sleeper. As soon as someone entered the room, he would wake up and he would act like he hadn’t just been snoring louder than what should have been humanly possible.

Keith had become used to this strange habit, so when he found Shiro passed out on a couch in their lounge area, he really didn’t think anything of it. However, the fact that Shiro didn’t immediately wake up when Keith crossed the room, was surprising.

Keith studied Shiro, realizing the man was muttering in his sleep. His brow was furrowed and sweat had begun to drip down his face.

Nightmare.

“Shiro,” Keith called gently. Shiro flinched in his sleep, but didn’t wake.

“Hey Shiro,” Keith stepped closer, “wake up. Man, you’re having a nightmare.”

Shiro mumbled something in his sleep, and his face scrunched up in discomfort.

“Hey,” Keith reached over and tapped Shiro’s arm, but since it wasn’t his real arm, Keith wondered if Shiro felt it. Keith moved a hand up to Shiro’s shoulder. He gently shook him, wanting to wake him before the nightmare got worse.

It had been a mistake.

Shiro’s eyes flew open wide and he struck out, his hand just beginning to light up. Keith didn’t have time to react. Shiro caught his right arm in one angry swipe, there was a crack and Keith was knocked clear off his feet. Keith fell to the floor with a sharp gasp. He immediately scrambled, pushed himself away with his legs, worried that Shiro would hit him again if he was too close. Keith clutched at his arm at the elbow. He held his breath, trying to stop himself from crying out. However, tears stung his eyes and he blinked hard to clear them.

_Don’t let them see you cry._

Shiro wasn’t moving anymore, he just sat there staring and then it was as though somebody flipped a switch and he blinked in shock at seeing Keith on the floor, desperately fighting to keep the pain off his face.

“Keith?” Shiro gasped out. “Oh, Keith.” Full realization over what he had done, washed over him. “I’m so sorry.” Shiro slipped off the couch and knelt down by the boy.

Keith flinched away from him.

Shiro’s face crumpled when he saw that Keith was afraid. His hands fell to the side, useless.

“I’m so sorry Keith. I am so sorry. Please, can I see it?” Shiro held out his flesh hand, palm up, trying to seem as nonthreatening as possible.

Keith shook his head. “’S not bad. It’s fine.” Keith forced out through gritted teeth.

“Shit, I’m so sorry.”

Even though he was in pain, Keith was startled by the swear. Shiro hardly ever swore.

Shiro’s hands were shaking and he looked as though he might start crying. His breathing had become erratic. Too fast and forced sounding. He pressed his knuckles into the floor and shook his head, trying to stay grounded.

Shiro, who was always supportive and the voice of reason for Keith, was having an anxiety attack.

Keith swallowed down the pain and the initial fear. He couldn’t let Shiro worry. He couldn’t do this to him.

“I’m fine. It’s just bruised. You didn’t mean it. I know you didn’t. Just breathe.”

Keith’s arm pulsed with pain, sharp and acute. He bit it down, he could do that. He knew how to seem stronger than he felt.

Shiro took several shuddering breaths and he tapped the floor sharply with his knuckles. He blinked back tears and apologized again and again. Keith kept assuring him that it was okay. He kept talking, until Shiro’s breathing finally became more even.

With one last deep breath, Shiro composed himself as much as he could. He needed to take care of Keith, he would finish berating himself later.

“We’ll go to the infirmary. Get it checked out.”

“I’m fine,” Keith insisted.

"No, you should get it checked out.”

“Okay… I will, but you don’t need to come.”

“Keith…”

“I can go alone. I’m not a baby.”

Shiro was taking very measured breaths now. Keith hoped that the man would listen to him.

“I’m going with you.”

Keith scowled, but didn’t argue anymore. Shiro just cared too much for his own good.

* * *

 

“Coran,” Keith whispered when the man leaned in to inspect his arm.

“Yes?” Coran whispered back too loudly.

“Don’t tell him,” Keith muttered so quietly that Coran wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly.

Coran glanced back at Shiro who was pacing the infirmary slowly. He had his arms crossed and he was tapping his fingers in a nervous manner. Coran gave a slight nod.

“Oh, Shiro. We seem to be out of our cold packs. Can you run down to the supply area and pick up a box of them?”

“Oh… um… right.” Shiro hesitated, studying Keith as he sat on the exam table, looking bored with the process. “I can do that.”

Shiro rushed out of the room. Keith released a deep breath and grimaced.

“Coran, I think my arm is broken.”

Coran sighed. “It looks most likely. Probably a fracture.”

Once they had gotten Keith’s jacket off, it was obvious that his upper arm was red and swollen. Keith also didn’t seem to be able to lift the limb up at all. Coran had already known, when he had to help Keith take off the jacket, that it was most likely broken.

“Just let me go into a pod. Don’t tell Shiro. I told him it was fine.”

“Well, let me see, let’s see what our scan brings up.”

“There’s no time, Shiro’s going to come back soon.”

“I doubt it. There aren’t any cold packs in the supply room. He’ll probably look in a few places before he comes back. He won’t want to return empty handed.”

That was when Keith realized that Coran could be a good liar and he started to wonder if the man had ever lied to him about anything.

When the results came back on the computer, Coran clicked his tongue at them.

“It’s a slight fracture. Pod would be best,” he said.

“Fine. Just get me in there before Shiro comes back.”

“And what are we telling Shiro? That you just fancied a sleep in a pod?”

“Just tell him it was sprained already from training. He can’t know he broke it.”

“Keith,” Coran sighed, “Shiro will have to know. I’m pretty sure he’s already figured it out.”

But then Keith was looking at Coran with a kind of wild desperation. Coran sighed again.

"We will put you in a pod, but if he asks, I will tell him the truth.”

“He’s going to blame himself,” Keith said quietly.

“Yes, but that is part of being a leader. It’s not something you can protect him from.”

Keith didn’t like it, but he nodded slowly. He guessed that he understood.

* * *

 

Shiro found extra cold packs tucked away in an emergency kit on the other side of the castleship. When he returned to the infirmary, he asked for all the details, of course he did. Coran broke the news to him matter-of-factly. Shiro had nodded solemnly at the information and then left the room.

That was when Shiro stopped falling asleep around the castleship. They never found him snoring on the couches or the floor anymore. Shiro now only slept in his room. However, judging by the circles under Shiro’s eyes, the man wasn’t getting much sleep.

Things started breaking apart slowly. Shiro stopped smiling at them. He was less patient, more inclined to snap at them when they pushed the wrong buttons. Lance seemed to be getting snapped at nearly every time he opened his mouth. In Shiro’s defense, Lance had sensed the tension and was trying to fix it by telling more jokes and acting up.

It wasn’t going well.

It all came apart one day when they had a training session and were sparring with each other. Shiro was actually focusing on helping Pidge with her hand to hand, while Lance and Hunk faced off. Keith was left to the side, being told he could alternate with Lance and Hunk. However, once Pidge and Shiro were finishing up, Keith had turned to Shiro and moved into a fighting stance.

Shiro shook his head and began to walk away.

“I’m not scared of you,” Keith spoke loudly, causing everyone else in the room to go quiet. “I’m not scared of you,” Keith repeated when Shiro didn’t look at him.

“I never said you were,” Shiro spoke evenly, keeping up his calm exterior.

“Then stop treating me like I should be. Because I’m not.”

Shiro shut his eyes for a moment, trying to keep his patience in check.

“Keith…”

“No, come on. You can’t keep acting like this.”

“I’m not acting-”

“Bullshit! You’re treating me different!” Keith hadn’t been sleeping either and he could feel all his anger bubbling to the surface easily. “Shiro, I’m not fragile! I’m not going to break!”

“You already did!” Shiro snapped. “And next time it could be your head. I could have killed you. Do you realize that? Do you?”

“You wouldn’t have!”

“You have no idea what I would or wouldn’t have done.”

Keith opened his mouth again, but Shiro shook his head and headed out the door. “We’re done for the day.”

Keith glared after him and then he looked around at the rest of their team, looking uncomfortable and unsure. He couldn't stand them all looking at him like that. Keith ran out the door after Shiro.

“Should we do something?” Hunk asked, breaking the awkward silence.

“We could slip them both a sedative,” Pidge suggested.

“I like that plan,” Lance pointed at Pidge enthusiastically. “If they got some sleep they would probably be way less grumpy.”

“We could ask Coran,” Pidge said thoughtfully.

“Wait, wait, are we really going to sedate them?” Hunk glanced around nervously. “Shiro would be so mad.”

“Not if he got some sleep, he wouldn’t be,” Lance remarked.

“I say we give them one more day and then we tranq them.”

“Pidge!”

“Do you have a better idea, Hunk?”  

“Just leave them alone! They’ve gotta pass out eventually.”

“I’ll get the sedatives from the infirmary,” Pidge decided.

“I’ll help,” Lance offered.

“Guys, no!”

* * *

 

Keith never caught up to Shiro. He lost him and had no idea where to look. Frustrated, Keith went to sit with Red. He found that he could usually go there when he was feeling angry and just sit until the feeling passed. Red never rushed him or made him feel like he was being irrational. Honestly, the lion often seemed irritated too for one reason or another. Keith felt like he was in good company.

It was actually Shiro who found Keith there, sitting between Red’s paws. Shiro looked uncomfortable as he approached Keith slowly, as though he was worried that Keith might run from him.

Shiro sat down in front of the boy and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” Shiro said quickly.

“Yeah, you already told me that a lot,” Keith bit out.

“I know, but let me say it or I’m not going to be able to talk to you about anything else.”

“Alright,” Keith said slowly.

“Look, I’m sorry, for treating you differently. I’m sorry for not being around and for avoiding you. It was because of my own guilt. That wasn’t fair to you. So I am truly sorry… Do you forgive me?”

“Yeah, of course. Of course I do. I already had, Shiro! I never blamed you in the first place!”

“I know, I know. The thing is, I just haven’t forgiven myself. And that’s not your fault.” Shiro tapped his chest and he took another deep breath. “That’s my fault. It’s my fault.”

“Shiro…”

“But we can’t keep going on like this. So, I’ve been thinking and I think if I just put down some rules I can have enough peace of mind to maybe not feel so guilty. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“If you ever see me sleeping, do not come near me. If you need to wake me up, stand out of arm’s reach. Shout at me, throw something, I don’t care, but don’t come near me. I will tell the others this too. It’s for everyone’s safety.”

“Alright.”

“There’s only one other rule, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Don’t you ever lie to me again about being hurt.”

Keith’s eyes widened.

“I’m serious, Keith. I know you thought you were protecting me, but I don’t need that. I need you to be safe. Hiding the extent of an injury isn’t safe. Do you understand?”

Keith nodded slowly.

“You promise?”

“Yeah,” Keith nodded again, “yeah, promise.”

Shiro let out a huge breath of air and he shut his eyes as if he couldn’t keep them open anymore.

“Shiro?”

“Yeah?” Shiro’s eyes opened again.

“Are you going to be able to sleep now?“

Shiro let out a mirthless laugh. "I hope so.”

“Good.”

“Coran told me that he makes a really great tea that helps with sleep. I think he’s tired of watching me be short with everyone… You need to rest too. You train too early. It’s not good for you.”

“Well, if you sparred with me again, I wouldn’t have to train so early.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry about that too. I’ll work on that, okay?“

"Yeah.”

Everything didn’t go back to normal right away. Shiro was still too careful, but Keith would let it slide. He remained patient with Shiro and, slowly, Shiro was working through his own mental blocks and self-hatred. With the help of Coran’s tea, Shiro began sleeping again. It wasn’t perfect and there were still plenty of bad nights that bled into bad days, but Shiro was doing better. Keith was able to sleep again too and the days became much more bearable.

Pidge never used the tranquilizers she had managed to find, but she kept them on standby, just in case. Keith wasn’t pleased when he found out about them, but he didn’t tell her to throw them away, figuring it was her way of expressing her concern for them. It was an extreme and kind of weird way, but it was still out of concern for her team.

It wasn’t long after, that Keith was walking through the lounge area when he found Shiro napping on a couch. Keith stopped at the sight of Shiro resting easily in a public space again. It was good. Shiro was finally relaxing and trusting himself a little more. He was healing.

They both were.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Samwise's speech in The Two Towers. 
> 
> "Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer."


End file.
